It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
