is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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