What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
