Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
