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6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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