Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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