All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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