I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
