Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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