the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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