sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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