Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
