there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My ass is underappreciated
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize