So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
