I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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