I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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