I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
