I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
