I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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