You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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