Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
