i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
