so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
