Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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