yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
