That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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