I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
