I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
