You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
kristin has been a bad kristin
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
