i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
