Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
