Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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