i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
