Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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