what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
