Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
