some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
