he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
