i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
