You're my little dorito
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches