A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
