Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.