Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.