"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once