i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
