my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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