if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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