She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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