I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
