My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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