I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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