let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
