so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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