I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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