I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
