very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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