why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
