he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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