Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
