dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
