And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
