it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
