im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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