I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
