Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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