Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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