Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
