i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
