Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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