real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
