I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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