He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
