The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
