so that wasnt chicken after all
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
