When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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