Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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